well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
