do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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