when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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