I'm laying in your front yard are you home
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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