Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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