Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
