I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize