I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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