She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
