PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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