Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
