you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
