omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize