her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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