Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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