how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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