very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
vagina is talking i cant
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I'm really busy with my period
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