He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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