Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
