Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
