is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
