I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
