Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
