I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
