I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
