I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
