if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
