legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
