nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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