he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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