she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
