hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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