Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
worst night to have a conscience
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
