There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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