One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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