I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it glows. i had to have it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
