No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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