Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
