I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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