the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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