She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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