dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
