it wasn't lemon gatorade
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
