he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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