I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize