the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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