okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
