i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
