A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
