K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
