11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
