dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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