ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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