I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
