no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
