Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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