and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
