when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
