Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
