Dual....:-)
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
