he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We need a shit load of segways right now
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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