So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
