My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
