So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
