She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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