We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize