I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
vagina is talking i cant
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
