Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
