i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
