So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
