he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
