do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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