Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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