no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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