We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
