Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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