pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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