I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
