In the future we'll all be gay
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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