Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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