I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Terrible idea I love it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
