I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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