Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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