I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
