He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
