I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize