my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
