Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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