Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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