its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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