Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
