I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize