i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
