So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize