You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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