first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
