My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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